(Satire): President Obama announced at a White House press conference today that microcredit, small loans to the very poor and the topic of the 2006 Nobel Peace Prize, would now be considered terrorism because maximizing public benefits of credit is a threat to the US financial system, and lives saved today might become terrorists in the future. The president opened the War on Terror Financing (WTF). Press conference excerpts:
President Obama: As a Nobel Peace Prize winner, I know what is and is not peaceful. Microcredit, uncollateralized loans to people Goldman Sachs wouldn’t let into their lobby, is both a threat to our financial order and a threat to world peace. Therefore, microcredit is now considered financial and global terrorism, a direct threat to US national security, and subject to our new war: War on Terror Financing (WTF).
Q: How is helping poor families work their way out of poverty a WTF threat to anyone?
Obama: Microcredit is financial terrorism because 90% of families work their way out of poverty, over 95% of the loans are repaid, and microcredit earns a profit as it ends poverty. We obviously cannot tolerate this attack on our debt-based banking and financial systems. It’s US banking leaders like Goldman Sachs who are doing God’s work, folks, and they maximize shareholder profits by maximizing and increasing debt, not by people working out of debt.
Q: I’m sorry, Mr. President; I still don’t understand WTF problem is with ending poverty and debt.
Obama: That’s ok: it’s my job to sell this. Our economic job-creators work together as oligarchies to maximize their own profits: about $30 trillion in off-shore tax havens in current total holdings. They need this profit to motivate their job-creating. If we allow microfinance to continue, folks might start thinking about banking structures that maximize public benefits rather than bank profits. This thinking would be the beginning of the end of our financial system. The public might think about debt-free money that ends national debt, demand the return of the trillions we’ve taken from them for “investments” in CAFRs, and not stop until they had full-employment for infrastructure investment.
Q: That’s a lot, sir: can you put that into a sound bite?
Obama: Yes. US financial oligarchs are asset-holes. Finance that helps the 99% rather than our asset-holes’ profits is terrorism. We kill terrorists.
Q: WTF solves other problems of families having futures brighter than poverty?
Obama: As you know, the US has always taken the lead to prevent poverty from being ended. We do this because lives saved today might become living terrorists tomorrow.
Q: WTF… wait, what?
Obama: (smiles) I know, I know, these ideas take some time to understand. Even though some other Nobel Prize laureates disagree, I stand firm with President Bush that our leadership for humanitarian work is best, as major US universities are coming around to recognize. That’s why the job of corporate media is so important to communicate these ideas. The sooner Americans embrace our agenda, the sooner 22 American veterans will stop committing suicide every day.
Q: Sir, I’m sorry: could you go over WTF benefits are for average Americans?
Obama: Sure. For example: US freedom requires increasing government debt to buy two Hellfire missiles. We’ll drone-fire one to destroy a microcredit meeting of low-income women, then another to double-tap rescue workers who make themselves “terror associates” with so-called “help.” On a related note, we’re working-up an Executive Order to make so-called “love” illegal, too, because it has people come to the aid of terrorists. But the only benefit Americans need to know is this: “Better dead than terrorist-led!”
Q: And we understand America’s children are WTF helping with propaganda?
Obama: Yes. We’re receiving hundreds of responses from school children to help people understand how drone kills around the globe protect America’s freedoms. We’ll put this catchy-one on-screen from an elementary school student for everyone to sing-a-long: it’s called the Drone drone (everyone stands to chant):
D is for death that comes from the skies!
R is for respect in all the world’s eyes!
O is for Obama – bringer of peace!
N is for niceness – what the US seeks!
and E is for everyone under control!
(non-satiric note): Explore the links for historical connections and Orwellian acts of US government in the present. The most elegant solution is for Americans in military and government to recognize “emperor has no clothes” unlawful orders, refuse them, and arrest those who issued them.
- 2016 interview with Socrates on human ‘progress,’ winning the endgame of today’s exposure of unlawful empire (1 of ?)
- 2016 interview with Socrates: US today is Athens’ empire of hypocrisy and hubris; will US public stand for obvious justice or remain oblivious to evil? (2 of ?)
- 2016 interview with Socrates: I was Athens’ ‘wacky conspiracy theorist’ for honoring my military/citizen Oath: are people today to live as educated humans, or remain obedient sheeple? (3 of ?)
- 2016 interview with Socrates: ‘Golden Age of Greece,’ my Aesop! But you can have one for all Earth now if you want (4 of ?)
- 2016 interview with Socrates: Standing for Truth, Love, & Technology on a planet of lies, sadism, & slavery (5 of ?)
- 2016 interview with Socrates: Another day of Life in the Empire! Are we near an endgame, or fools to ever ‘hope for change’? (6 of ?)
- 2016 interview with President John F. Kennedy: who assassinated me and why, American public’s opportunity today to cause peace
- 2016 interview with Martin King: Justice demands peace, ending poverty, arrests for my assassination by US government
- July 4th, 2016 interview with Washington, Jefferson, Adams: America’s REQUIREMENT from our Declaration of Independence & Constitution to arrest .01% criminal ‘Nobility class,’ or suffer as their indentured servants
- Rescuing Goddess Earth & Her creations: ‘We the People’ as beacons for truth, love, justice (an analogy)
- ‘Election’ 2016 interview with Washington, Jefferson, Adams: America’s right and necessity to arrest .01% tyrants engaged in lie-started illegal Wars of Aggression, bankster-looting, and constant lying
- Interview with an angel: Does evil exist for ‘spiritual workouts’ to get us off our lazy Divine asses? Is Earth a super-evil case study, a school to recognize evil, or what?
- ‘We’re sorry, honey. We sacrificed the human race to demons.’ After-Life debriefing from the Goddess and angels
- July 4: Obama to exhume, posthumously hang Paul Revere for spying, treason
- Obama celebrates 30 million US war-kills since WW2; past Hitler to #3 all-time!
- Obama launches video game contest: 100 child winners to drone-kill real terrorists
- Obama declares War on Terror Financing (WTF); microcredit is now terrorism
- Obama signs ‘Jesus the terrorist’ bill for Jesus’ bank terrorism, treason, 9/11 deaths
- July 4: Obama drone-strikes George Washington’s grave, posthumously declares him ‘domestic terrorist’
- US Homeland Security CSI: Agents Dick Strong & Fannie Goode bring a 9/11 conspiracy theorist-pedophile to justice!
- Bush Sr. & W, Bill Clinton, Obama Skype with ‘Black Hat handler’ to avoid public discovery of .01% Crimes Against Humanity, looting, pedophilia
- Trump, H. Clinton, Bush Sr., Obama Skype with ‘Black Hat handler’: ‘recount’ ‘election’ to Clinton? False flag ‘civil war’ to censor ‘fake news’ media? Russia in the cross-hairs of WW3?
- Trump, Obama, Clintons, Bushes Skype with ‘Black Hat handler’: Hail Mary plan to end alternative media as ‘fake news,’ purge government ‘White Hats,’ restore corporate media reputation by reporting on UFOs
Note: I make all factual assertions as a National Board Certified Teacher of US Government, Economics, and History, with all economics factual claims receiving zero refutation since I began writing in 2008 among Advanced Placement Macroeconomics teachers on our discussion board, public audiences of these articles, and international conferences. I invite readers to empower their civic voices with the strongest comprehensive facts most important to building a brighter future. I challenge professionals, academics, and citizens to add their voices for the benefit of all Earth’s inhabitants.
Carl Herman is a National Board Certified Teacher of US Government, Economics, and History; also credentialed in Mathematics. He worked with both US political parties over 18 years and two UN Summits with the citizen’s lobby, RESULTS, for US domestic and foreign policy to end poverty. He can be reached at Carl_Herman@post.harvard.edu
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