Grab-Bag of Resolutions for 2017

Here’s a grab-bag of resolutions with something for just about every persuasion.

1. I resolve to never utter or write the word “Trump” in 2017. (Good luck with that…)

2. Having watched bitcoin rise from $250 (or perhaps from $25 or even 25 cents) to $900+, I resolve to finally buy some bitcoin before it soars over $1,000. (Please file under “this is intended as bemused commentary, not financial advice.”)

3. I resolve to lose the weight I should lose by changing my entire mindset and way of life rather than by following a diet.

4. I resolve to accept the reality that the two political parties are devoid of productive ideas and solutions, because real solutions would hinder the parties’ primary purpose, which is vacuuming up contributions to fund their eternal grab for power.

5. I resolve to stop watching network and local TV “news.” (If it bleeds, it leads.)

6. I resolve to cancel my subscription to the Washington Post and every other newspaper and magazine that hyped the fact-free, evidence-free claim that Putin was responsible for the Democrats losing the election.

7. I resolve to adopt an exercise/fitness plan I can actually follow: one sit-up a week, one jumping jack a week, etc.

8. I resolve to accept that living in my parents’ basement playing videogames all day is not a trajectory into responsible adulthood.

9. I resolve to let go of the costly fantasy that yet another masters degree will yield the high-paying secure career I want.

10. I resolve to acquire skills, not credentials.

11. I resolve to rebel against the consumerist mindset deftly encapsulated by Caroline Caldwell: “In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.”

12. I resolve to not let the dessert cart on the Titanic go by.

13. I resolve to rebel against the ugliness around me by seeking beauty in all its manifestations.

14. I resolve to start fixing the world’s problems by fixing my own problems first.

15. I resolve to waste less energy, food, time and resources.

16. I resolve to save 50% of my net income to invest in myself and my family. (Only for the toughest of the tough…)

17. I resolve to stop blaming others for my self-generated difficulties.

18. I resolve to focus daily on gratitude and opportunity.

19. I resolve to remember that the jerk who cut me off on the highway may be having a day that’s even worse than mine.

20. I resolve to make myself useful to myself and others in some way every day.

21. I resolve to Vote with My Feet.

Lagniappe resolution: I resolve to use words like lagniappe from time to time.

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