How To Respond To Rude Comments


Knowing how to respond to rude comments is a vital part of our lives as humans. We all want to be more connected. We are genetically programmed to seek connection since we need our tribe or group to survive in our more basic forms.

That explains why when we are confronted with rejection, our adrenaline levels rise. Our hearts begin to beat quicker, and our pulse accelerates. Biologically, many battles begin in this “fight or flight” stage. But what if there are more possibilities than those two options? It’s simple to say something we don’t mean in the heat of the moment.

Those clumsy, nasty, or passive-aggressive remarks? Almost always, what they’re really expressing is that you’re not living up to my expectations. Here’s how it works.

People Own Their Expectations

So, first and foremost, your highest calling in life is not to devote all of your time and energy to meeting the expectations of others, even if it is a member of your family. That is not why you are here. Not even if that individual is one of your coworkers or if the other person is adamant about their point of view.

Not Responding Means Agreement

By not responding, you essentially agree with the other person, particularly when the topics are justice, fairness, or kindness. It’s allowing them to act on their unhealthy assumption without being challenged.

So, saying nothing isn’t really an option. Shaming the other person, on the other hand, isn’t cool. So, how can you answer in a truthful and trustworthy manner?

These solutions will only work if it is safe for you to respond to the other person. If this isn’t the case, find a safe person or place to help you figure out what needs to change and your best options.

What to Do When Responding To Rude Comments 

The following are a few things to do when responding to rude comments:

Ask Questions

Begin by interrogating the other person on what they just said or indicated. You could ask questions such as:

  • “What exactly did you mean when you said that?”
  • “Why do you believe that?”
  • “How did you get to that conclusion?”
  • “Where did you get the information?” 
  • “Is that correct?” 
  • “How did you figure that out?” 
  • “Have you had a similar experience?”

It’s important when asking these questions to remember that your tone matters. Asking in a humiliating or nasty tone isn’t going to help! We’re looking for curiosity and compassion when we ask these questions.

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Asking questions accomplishes several practical tasks at once:

  • It demonstrates that you’re paying attention to the other person and allows you to answer what they’re saying more precisely.
  • To avoid misunderstandings and to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. You can then be sure that you understand what they meant. 
  • We have said bad things at some point in our different lives without realizing it. If that’s the case, your questions will reveal where the other person has gone off the tracks. It encourages the other person to think about the impact of their words.
  • Simultaneously, your query indicates that you’re not going to disregard their remark. You disagree with what was said and aren’t willing to play along.
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Tell It like it is

Dispute it forcefully if you don’t agree with what they said. Consider one of the following:

  • I respect your point, but I can’t entirely agree with it.
  • My experience hasn’t been like that.
  • For whatever reason, that does not work for me.
  • That is not how I see things.
  • That does not seem to be the case.

Share Your View

Your story is not an argument; it is a story about your experience. It’s your narrative, and it’s just as legitimate as anyone else’s. When you offer your personal narrative, you invite everyone to broaden their horizons to incorporate your perspective. Your worldview, history, and viewpoints are just as essential as theirs.

Be Yourself

Okay! The person with whom you’re conversing has an opinion. They are permitted to do so. You are, nevertheless, free to bring your entire self into the dialogue, even if they were expecting something else from you. You may not influence the other person’s mind, but that isn’t the objective. 

Be totally comfortable with who you are. You do not  have to be apologetic about who you are and how you represent yourself in the world. However, It’s also not meant to be OFFENSIVE, Just being honest.

Kindness Should Be Your Response to Rudeness

Kindness is an excellent antidote to rudeness. Allowing a disrespectful individual to make you respond in kind is not a good idea. Staying polite and cheerful is one of the best strategies to neutralize rude and harmful conduct. This allows the other person to de-stress and change their behavior to match yours.

It can be tough to demonstrate kindness to someone who is rude or offensive to others. You, in contrast, have kept your cool. You can encourage children to follow your lead by setting a calm and well-mannered example. If this fails, you can be proud of yourself for not lowering your standards or adding your nasty behavior to the mix.

Set a Positive Example

People’s actions are motivated by a variety of factors. Recognize that some people use rudeness to demonstrate authority or power. They might be attempting to elicit a reaction from you to make you look terrible. Please don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you become enraged.

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You are modeling the behavior you expect from other people by treating everyone with justice, kindness, and understanding, just as you want to be treated. You are a role model. If they don’t reciprocate with the same level of civility, it’s time to solicit the support of others.

Remember That You Have Options

You cannot control another person’s actions. You cannot control or predict what they say, do, or believe. You DO, however, have a choice in how you respond. You have the option of responding or not. You can decide if you want to continue the conversation or if it’s time to leave. You have the choice of devoting more time to this person.

You have no control over their conduct, but you control your boundaries.

Avoid the Obnoxious Individual

Suppose you’ve tried everything you can to make the individual aware of their conduct and show warmth and understanding. In that case, this person may be simply incapable of treating you (and others) with respect. Remember that it’s sometimes best to walk away when everything else fails.

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You take away their audience and offer them fewer targets to strike out against by avoiding habitually unpleasant people. The absence of a crowd will also calm the situation. Perhaps it will aid as an eye-opener if everyone around them begins to avoid them like the plague. If not, it will, at the very least, make everyone else’s day better.

Final Note

The conversation will likely become more awkward before improving, but here’s the thing: Whatever you do, the chat is already uncomfortable. Whatever was said or left unsaid has already made you uneasy. It’s not a question of whether or not you’ll cause an argument, but rather pushing through and being honest, and deciding how you will respond.

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